We now officially have a date for your surgery.
July 14th. A mere 58 days away.
While in many ways it is a relief to finally have a date scheduled, it hit me today more than it has before that this is real. Even though we always knew this was coming, it was always a someday kind of thing. An almost hypothetical idea. Now there is no more mental denial. An actual date is so...well, final.
I spent today bouncing between utter calm and tears. I know how much this surgery will help you. I know that your very life depends on us taking you to get this fixed. I have faith that God will take care of you. But oh, sweet girl, I wish so much that it wasn't even a consideration. I can't bear to see you hurting..(which is why you rarely get the chance to cry. It just breaks my heart too much!) As your mama, I am supposed to have those magical kisses that make your boo-boos not hurt anymore. And I'm afraid that my mommy magic isn't going to work on this. I'm scared that when I see you laying in that little crib, breathing with a ventilator, and with a big cut in your chest, that I will lose it. I try so hard to be strong, for you. And I know that I will make it through it all somehow.. and that you will too. I think there's a good chance you will make it through more gracefully than I will.
We have an amazing support system, you and I. So many people love you so much! Someone once told Grandma that we will lose a lot of friends because of your special chromosome. That hasn't been the case at all. If anything, those wonderful friends that I have had the blessing of having in my life are closer to us than they were before. Their unconditional love and support of you, as well as me, pours out of them. What an awesome gift! But somehow, no one we meet is able to resist your considerable charm. :)
This will be a test of my faith. But somehow, I believe that all of this has a purpose. You have taught me more about God, and drawn me closer to Him, than anything or anyone ever has. I have watched all the prayers at work, and knew without a doubt that they were heard and answered when you were born. You were so much more than we were told to expect.
And you still are!
I love you so much, Bug-a-lug.