Here we are, 33 and 1/2 weeks pregnant. We now have only a little over 5 weeks until Lydia enters this world from her safe little cocoon. It would be easy to begin to be overtaken with doubts and worries right now about what we are facing and her health and well being after birth. However, I find that I am at peace with whatever comes. I have learned over the last few months that the tears will come (partially hormones I say lol) but that essentially, she is in God's hands and there is no better place for her to be. I can't control the future, I can't control the actions or words of others, but He is strong enough to oversee all for the good of all of us.
I used to be the type of person who only spoke to God when things were going wrong, who blamed Him and cried out, "Why me?". Now I can see very clearly that God himself is faithful and just, and that every struggle I have been through until now has simply better prepared me to be the best mother that I can be, both for Lydia and for Caleb. I don't remember being as overcome with pure unadulterated joy from the other babies' movements like I am with Lydia's, they were routine and expected. Every movement now is proof to me of her resilience and strength. She has a unique personality..often stubborn, but that will serve her well in the future. She already loves her brothers, and dances at the sound of their voice or of Caleb playing his clarinet. :) She stills at the sound of my voice or at my touch. And she's already touched a whole lot of lives! I find that I can't wait to see what miracles abound when she walks on this earth!