To those of you that come here to read faithfully, please excuse my ranting. I'm really going to try to be as polite as possible but I sincerely need to say a few things to a specific person. I truly feel as if this isn't necessarily the place for it, but I honestly have no other way to say what I have to get off of my chest anywhere but here.
I wrote yesterday about love being the only option and teaching my daughter to in essence turn the other cheek and meet those who would hurt her head on with grace, love and a little sassiness. If the red in her eyebrows is any indication of what the future holds, I think she quite possibly is going to have a whole lot of her mother's redhead attitude.
I'm usually fairly good at controlling "the redhead" in me. In general, she (yes, she. It's my evil alter ego) only rears her head when someone does something to hurt someone I love. Most people who know me hardly believe that other version of me exists. The fiery temper rarely makes a full fledged appearance. But it simmers just below the surface, just waiting for the moment when I have finally had enough.
Today was the day.
However, I am going to try my very hardest to not let my anger and indignation get the best of me.
I have realized as I have made my way through this crazy thing called life that bringing a child into this world doesn't necessarily make someone a parent. It takes a whole lot more than loving kids when they're cute and cuddly. Sometimes those cute and cuddly babies turn into mouthy toddlers, bratty kids or rebellious teens. But being a parent doesn't end when the cuteness wears off.
It is a lifelong commitment.
It doesn't come with a paycheck. It rarely gets thanks. It involves endless sacrifice, patience, and a whole lot of work.
If you don't willingly put in the work, you miss out on a whole slew of the benefits. And sometimes, you lose your child altogether.
I will never in a million years understand how someone can turn their back on their child. A mother's love is not meant to have boundaries or restrictions or be conditional. In my experience, having had the blessing of becoming a mother three times now, it means having limitless love for the beings that were carried close within my womb, regardless of where they are, what they say, or how they act. It means being there crying with them when they are at their worst and cheering them on at their best. It means taking responsibility for bad decisions and saying "I'm sorry" when warranted. It means seeing past the mistakes they have made and honoring the person they have become because of them. Being proud of their accomplishments and the changes they have made in an effort to be a better person.
Unfortunately, some people just aren't cut out to be mothers.
Sometimes kids are better off without a mother at all than they were when they had one.
I hold no hatred in my heart towards you. Yet another lesson I have learned throughout my life is that hatred doesn't hurt the person being hated. It only hurts the one who hates.
I am not the one who has the power to forgive. But I just have to say that I will never forget........and if I have anything to say about it, you won't ever have the power to hurt my family again.
I hope that you have gotten what you wanted and I sincerely hope that it makes you happy. But somehow, I don't think that it will. I'm pretty sure that someday you're going to look back and wish that you had done things differently, that you had the people you willingly cut out of your life.
I know that you're missing out on a whole lot and I actually pity you that.
You will be in my prayers.