“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.”
~A.A. Milne, from "Winnie the Pooh"

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Chosen One

In the beginning of this roller coaster ride, I felt sure that I had done something to deserve having a daughter with Downs Syndrome. In my mind, I was being punished. I was being paid back for all the negative things I have done in my life. God got me by taking my miracle baby and creating her "broken" (oh. you don't know how bad I cringe to even think that now!).
Then I stumbled upon something written by Erma Bombeck (you can read it here ) and as silly as it may seem that something someone had written who knows when had that sort of power, it changed everything.
I wasn't being punished. I was chosen. Hand picked by God to be the mama of one of His precious angels. 
And I just gotta say, I am humbled. I am in awe. I am overwhelmed by His grace, His mercy, His unwavering faith in me.
I haven't always lived the life He would choose for me to. I have made a whole bunch of mistakes. I wasn't always what most people would consider an upstanding, Christian woman. I sometimes have a mouth like a sailor. I often have a catty disposition. I'm a sinner.

Yet He CHOSE me.
He looked at my faults and found a way to make them a blessing. He found a way to bring a woman who had spent many many years running from His calling to her knees. He changed all the anger, and hurt, and tears to praise and thankfulness. He made me a better person, simply by believing in me enough to give me this beautiful baby girl, made in His image and touched by His hand.

He brought me the clarity to see this life clearly. The ability to slow down and recognize His tiny every day miracles. To appreciate the beauty in everything and everyone around me, including myself. 
Flawed. A sinner. But loved immensely. 
I am thankful.


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