Trial By Fire (Messages from God)

Dearest Bug,

I am sitting here beside your little crib in the ICU. Our time here in this particular room is dwindling to an end. Unfortunately the end means another surgery to put in a pacemaker. It makes me sad. But I'm ready to have you at home again. Pretty sure that you're tired of all the disturbances here as well.

Keeping vigil gives a person a lot of time to think, and I find that I am no exception. I've spent quite a bit of my time over the last 10 days talking to God and revisiting the trials and tribulations of the last year. It seems that God has had a lot to teach me. 

I hope I have been listening closely enough.

So in honor of all of these deep thoughts (surprised my brain is not smoking!), I have compiled a list of what I have learned from my stroll through the flames.

*Sometimes the worst heartaches in life turn out to be God's greatest blessings. 

*The very best prayers are those that have no words at all. Simply our hearts screaming in pain to our God, who knows their every nuance. He hears the words that are unspoken.

*Tears don't indicate weakness. It's ok to cry. Those tears are love, so intense that it has no choice but to just spill out a little.

*It's possible to be weak enough to fall to your knees and strong enough to withstand the toughest pressure all at the same time.

*When the going gets tough, the tough keep going. When you love someone or something so much, there simply are not any other options.

*When you fall to your knees and can not stand, you're in the perfect position to pray.

*There are easily a thousand different kinds of tears. Happy ones. Sad ones. Scared ones. And those that come from overwhelming awe.

*What seems to be an ending isn't. It's a new beginning.

*True beauty isn't always in the big picture. It's often in the tiny details.

*As bad as you think things are, some one always has it worse.

*Just when you think that your heart will burst from all the love inside it, it doesn't. It just expands.

*By working hard to uplift others in their time of need, you end up uplifting yourself as well.

*Miracles truly DO exist. 

*We are not to be pitied because of circumstance, we should be envied.

*We ARE chosen. I was meant to be your mama, and you are exactly as you were made to be. Perfect.

I'm sure that there were many, many more lessons that I have learned throughout the last few months of your existence. These are simply the ones that have been bobbing around in my head for the last few days and the ones that I felt that at this moment, right now, needed to be shared. 

We will learn a whole lot from each other through the coming years. I'm positive that you will continue to teach me as much, if not more, than I could ever hope to teach you. 

I love you with all of my heart. Forever and always. 

XOXOXO,

Mommy