“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.”
~A.A. Milne, from "Winnie the Pooh"

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Trial By Fire (Messages from God)

Dearest Bug,

I am sitting here beside your little crib in the ICU. Our time here in this particular room is dwindling to an end. Unfortunately the end means another surgery to put in a pacemaker. It makes me sad. But I'm ready to have you at home again. Pretty sure that you're tired of all the disturbances here as well.
Keeping vigil gives a person a lot of time to think, and I find that I am no exception. I've spent quite a bit of my time over the last 10 days talking to God and revisiting the trials and tribulations of the last year. It seems that God has had a lot to teach me. 
I hope I have been listening closely enough.

So in honor of all of these deep thoughts (surprised my brain is not smoking!), I have compiled a list of what I have learned from my stroll through the flames.

*Sometimes the worst heartaches in life turn out to be God's greatest blessings. 
*The very best prayers are those that have no words at all. Simply our hearts screaming in pain to our God, who knows their every nuance. He hears the words that are unspoken.
*Tears don't indicate weakness. It's ok to cry. Those tears are love, so intense that it has no choice but to just spill out a little.
*It's possible to be weak enough to fall to your knees and strong enough to withstand the toughest pressure all at the same time.
*When the going gets tough, the tough keep going. When you love someone or something so much, there simply are not any other options.
*When you fall to your knees and can not stand, you're in the perfect position to pray.
*There are easily a thousand different kinds of tears. Happy ones. Sad ones. Scared ones. And those that come from overwhelming awe.
*What seems to be an ending isn't. It's a new beginning.
*True beauty isn't always in the big picture. It's often in the tiny details.

*As bad as you think things are, some one always has it worse.
*Just when you think that your heart will burst from all the love inside it, it doesn't. It just expands.
*By working hard to uplift others in their time of need, you end up uplifting yourself as well.
*Miracles truly DO exist. 
*We are not to be pitied because of circumstance, we should be envied.
*We ARE chosen. I was meant to be your mama, and you are exactly as you were made to be. Perfect.

I'm sure that there were many, many more lessons that I have learned throughout the last few months of your existence. These are simply the ones that have been bobbing around in my head for the last few days and the ones that I felt that at this moment, right now, needed to be shared. 
We will learn a whole lot from each other through the coming years. I'm positive that you will continue to teach me as much, if not more, than I could ever hope to teach you. 

I love you with all of my heart. Forever and always. 


  1. thinking about you all...this is a beautiful post...and taught me a few lessons! smiles

  2. It is clear you ARE listening closely enough. Hang in there - you are definitely giving that sweet angel what she needs - look at how she's looking at you!! Prayers, prayers and more prayers coming your way!

  3. wonderful post. Sorry about the pacemaker, but if that is what it takes for Liddy to be healthy and happy, then it is all worth it. Praying for you!

  4. It is so wonderful to see you with that beautiful girl! We'll be praying more for her next surgery.

  5. You'll be home soon and all of this will be behind you.

  6. I really really love it. Thank you for helping me today. I have not read your blog for long - maybe a week or so... and I have finally caught up on your story. I am going through a really rough pregnancy right now, where we don't know the future of our baby. Many of the things you posted were amazing reminders to me...

    I especially love "The very best prayers are those that have no words at all. Simply our hearts screaming in pain to our God" In the past couple of months I have literally been both silent before God because I didn't feel I had anything to say and screaming before God to heal my daughter.

    Please know that I am praying for you and your beautiful daughter.

  7. Heidi, did you ever get a chance to listen to Amy Grant's song: Better Than A Hallelujah? It again fits perfectly with many of your new learned life lessons. I love you. I am very proud of you. Keep listening. God has much to share for those that are willing to learn.
    @ Sarah - Fat Little Legs: I am praying for you as well, don't know your story, but God knows. I also suggest this song for you if you have not heard it. It is a wonderful song, well written and song by a beautiful artist. Better Than A Hallelujah by Amy Grant. You can find it on Youtube.com


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