“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.”
~A.A. Milne, from "Winnie the Pooh"

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Diamonds From Ashes

Dear Liddy,
While at the grocery store today, I had a conversation with the cashier who rang up our groceries (which took a while.. your brothers eat a LOT!). She was probably Grandma's age and was going through a divorce after being married for 30 years. Heartbreaking. And I remember so clearly the way standing in that lady's shoes felt. I was so heart broken, and I swore that I would never again put myself in such a position where I could be hurt so badly again. I thought at that time that my life was destroyed, I had failed, and I would never love anyone that much again. But then something magical happened. God took the ashes of that life and created a life that was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Because in reality, that little trip into sadness taught me so many things. I developed a new admiration for my mom and because of that, a much closer relationship with her. I learned to be who I was, instead of who someone else wanted me to be. I learned the value of wonderful friends who are there for you through thick and thin, who stand beside you and cry with you, as well as laugh with you. I learned to stand on my own two feet, even when I felt that I couldn't stand at all. I learned to face my own mistakes and to see my own faults and if I didn't like the person I was looking at in the mirror, I was responsible for changing. But most important of all, I learned that that ending wasn't an ending at all. Instead, it was a new beginning. For if I had never walked that road, I would never have met your daddy. I would have never been brave enough to stand in the white sand and say "I do" again. I would have never been Ayden's step-mama, I wouldn't be in school following my dreams (all because your daddy believed in me!) and I would not have YOU! Life is a funny thing. Sometimes the wrong turns you make turn out to have been the right ones all along. There will be times when your little heart gets broken. Times when you will fall to your knees and feel like you will never be able to stand again. But a wise person once told me that when that happens, you're in the perfect position to pray. I can't save you from all the pain, although I wish I could. But I will be here to hug you, cheer for you, and love you sooo much! I hope that I can teach you appreciation of God's awesome designs and help you to understand that all things can work for His glory. These are lessons that you have already taught me!!!!! :) I  love you, baby. xoxoxoxox, Mommy


  1. In tears! I love you Heidi. I love the wonderful amazing and inspiring young woman you have become over the last couple of years, but most importantly I am proud to call you MY BIG SISTER! I love you and I love Liddy. I have never met you sweet little one, but my heart is yours already!!

  2. I love you too Sis!!! And I am pretty darn proud of BOTH of my sisters. You and Amanda are pretty amazing women too! :)

  3. This is a wonderful post, thank you for directing me to it. I have felt the same way, that I will never love anyone like I loved Brian and I don't know how I will ever trust another man with my heart. You have given me hope that there are good men out there. I hope I will find someone someday who truly loves me. The pain is still incredibly intense and I struggle with my anger, bitterness and fear, but I hope to turn it into something beautiful as well.

  4. It all takes time, Rebecca. You have to go through the stages of grief after the death of marriage just like you would the death of a person. But healing DOES come. And you will learn more about yourself as time goes on. Praying for you and that beautiful boy. peace and love to you both. Let me know if I can ever help in any way. :)


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