Appreciation for The Smallest Things...

Dear Liddy,

I find that as I grow older, I view life much differently than I did when I was younger. Every experience I have had in my 33 (almost 34!) years, good, bad, or ugly, has shaped my outlook and changed my feelings about the meaning of my life, and life in general. 

It would be easy, I suppose, to look around at the world today and be overwhelmed by the never ceasing stories of devastation, greed, and yes, even evil, that invade every minute of every news program. We have become a nation that eats up every nasty, sordid detail of the disasters that have made their way into our living rooms from every corner of the globe. Every where we turn, there is sadness, sickness, war, depravity, and hatred. We pray for an end to war, for peace. But it seems often hopeless that it will ever end as long as we, as humans, think that we are running things here on Earth. 

My heart is heavy. I hate to see any one else in pain. 

I don't understand God's master plan. I can't see His designs. I don't have all the answers (although I like to think sometimes that I do). I don't know why brave men and women (including Uncle Joe and your cousin Dane) have to fight far from their homes, their families. I don't understand why some of those brave men and women don't make it home. I don't understand why beautiful children, just like you, languish in orphanages and mental institutions, without mommies and daddies, sisters and brothers to love and care for them. I don't understand why children are abused and neglected. I don't know why precious babies have to go through what you have been through (and sometimes much worse). It all makes me immensely sad......

Even without any answers to the many questions which plague me, I know that there IS a master plan. There is a reason, as hard as it is to see, for all of the suffering in our world. 

I have watched cancer take ordinary people and make them beautiful, on the inside, where it matters most. I have been the recipient of loads of unconditional love, even when I deserved it least. I have stood in the darkest shadows, willingly, and God never failed once to protect me, love me, and "leave the light on" so that I could find my way back home. I have stood by your bedside, and have watched a true miracle emerge.

For every moment of sadness, there are countless moments of beauty. 

I want to raise you to look for the beauty in life. I want you to appreciate the fact that you exist, that you are loved, that you thrive amidst all the struggles around you. I want you to be thankful that there are men and women who are willing to lay down their lives for you to be free. I want you to look at the scar on your chest and see how absolutely amazing you are, in every way. That scar is something to be proud of, something to appreciate, and is, quite honestly, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Because we live where we live, because there are doctors who have the skills needed, because we are free to make our own decisions, you are here. With a couple more scars, yes. But also with a new heart. 

I never found it necessary to fully appreciate the gift I had been given in having a healthy son. I took it completely for granted that that was how it was supposed to be. I never realized how truly blessed I was. 

I do now. And I am more blessed than ever.

Tonight, I am going to hug you and Caleb both a little tighter, tell you both how much I love you, and thank God (fervently!) for seeing fit to give me such amazing kids. Then I am going to pray that every person who reads these words does the same.

XOXOXO,

Mommy