Dreams....

This week has been one of those weeks that God has shown me again and again how mightily blessed I am, and I think in some ways, He has been using others to give me a small pat on the back for the changes that I have made in my life over the last year, the sacrifices I have willingly made, and the faith that I have put in Him. And I just gotta tell you, I am truly humbled by His bounty. I still feel at moments that I am undeserving and unworthy but He continues to show me that He is proud and that my growth has not gone unnoticed, by Him or by others.
This is the first installment of my Christmas blessings.......

School is finished for the semester. *huge sigh of relief* I had a serious case of the nerves when I first went back to school 2 years ago. I was scared that I wasn't capable of balancing a husband, a new stepson, an 11 year old, and the demands that would come with school. I worried that it would be too hard, that something would slip between the cracks, that I would fail. 13 years out of school seemed an impossibly looonnggg time to jump back on that boat again. Finishing that first semester (with straight A's I might add) gave me just the confidence I needed to realize that my dreams were there within my grasp if I only I reached for them. I had already finished 2 semesters toward the pre-reqs required for nursing school when I found out that I was pregnant. Things still seemed to be perfectly on track. I was in the process of finishing my last 4, planning on taking the spring semester off to care for my brand new baby girl and starting nursing school this fall, when the rug got swept out from under me. Barely a month into the new semester, things started going terribly wrong with my pregnancy. Almost 30 days exactly from the day that semester started was the day that we found out about Liddy's heart defect. Then Down Syndrome. With all of the distractions, the worries, the days that I just couldn't get out of bed, I was failing. I was completely stressed and when contractions started early in November, my doctor advised cutting back. After swallowing my disappointment at the disturbance of what I saw as a firm timeline of my own expectations, I ended up dropping 2 of the 4 classes because ultimately, Lydia was more important than my dreams.
The funny thing about dreams is that sometimes they change, and sometimes they wait patiently in the wings until it is time to chase them again.
8 months out of school, dealing with some pretty heavy stuff....juggling new responsibilities, doctors appointments, therapy sessions, heart surgeries. I returned to school in August a different person than I was when I left it in December. My dream awaited. And my resolve is renewed. This is my calling....and being Lydia's mommy, seeing the way God took what I thought were broken dreams and made them so much better than what I had ever imagined before I heard the words heart defect or Down Syndrome, was preparation, motivation for the road that still lies ahead. Yet, as terrifying as it was going back to school the first time, it was every bit as daunting a task going back after 8 months, with a 7 month old baby to go along with the rest of my responsibilities.
Needless to say, I did it. And while I may not have had a spotless house, or enough sleep, or straight A's, I find that none of those things matter much in the grand scheme of things anyway. :)

I restart classes the 9th of January. My pre-reqs are finished and come spring, I will gain my first college degree. Just saying that almost brings me to tears. I, the high school drop out, will finally get to make that walk across a stage in a cap and gown, and someone will hand me a diploma. The fruition of a whole lot of dreams, both my own and my family's. And you know, I'm positive that I appreciate that a whole lot more now that I had to work so hard for it.
Nothing is truly worth having unless it's hard won.
That's just another thing my daughter has taught me........