Another Anniversary....

Dearest Lydia,

One year ago today, we bundled you up and set out from the hospital for the first time with you nestled in the back seat. 

 

Three weeks as a guest of the Special Care Nursery.....three weeks of your brothers waiting to meet you officially, without a pesky piece of glass separating them from getting a good look at you....two weeks of being torn, spending my days settled in the recliner cuddling you and then driving home without you every evening. Two weeks of spending all day long thinking of what I needed to do at home when I was with you, and two weeks of thinking of nothing but you when I was home.

Over. FINALLY.

Home. A place you had never known in your three week old life, with plenty of brotherly love......

Overjoyed doesn't begin to describe what I was feeling. But I must admit that I was nervous too. More nervous than I remember being when I was a brand new mom, bringing Caleb home for the first time. Caleb didn't come with feeding tubes and apnea monitors. Caleb didn't come with a huge hole in his heart that would need surgery to repair. I didn't have to take infant CPR classes to bring him home or spend a whole night caring for him without the help of nurses before they would allow me to take him. With him, I was just hurled into the world of motherhood. With you, even though motherhood itself was old hat to me, I had to relearn everything I THOUGHT I knew.

 

Even with my nervousness about this new journey, you settled right in like this was where you had been all along. And that did more to set my mind at ease than any words or comfort could have....

I don't know quite how you did it, but you filled a hole in this family that we never knew existed. You seamlessly slid into our hearts, into our home, like you had been there all along. 

I have only known you for less than 13 months and yet...with every passing day, it gets harder and harder to remember the time before. 

Before sharing the bed with a 16 lbs queen bed hog. Before being the recipient of heart stopping smiles. Before seeing the sheer joy on your face when I come home after being gone for a while. Before slobbery kisses. Before seeing the pure pride in your eyes when you accomplish something you worked so very hard to learn. Before treasuring the scars on your chest. Before a tiny girl reached into my chest and stole my heart...........

Forever after will my life be divided into before and after. Because before you, I wasn't the me that I am now........I wasn't complete. I was just waiting for God to place you in my arms. :) 

I love you so much, my sweet miracle.

 

I just know that you are going to become more breathtaking with every year that passes......and I know that I, as well as everyone who knows you, will be more and more in love. More and more in awe that you belong here with us. 

Never forget to let your true colors show. They leave me without breath....

Ignite your light and let it shine.

Baby, you're my firework....

All of my love,

Mama