Reflections

Dearest Liddy,

Tuesday was your 8 month birthday. Wow! 8 whole months! It sure doesn't seem like it's been that long since the day that you brought yourself into the world. So much has happened in these quickly passing months....

Thinking back, I have spent quite a bit of your life, even before you were born, choked by fear. I was scared to death of Down's Syndrome. I was terrified of the brokenness of your tiny heart. I feared what complications your birth would bring. I was devastated to leave you at the hospital so soon after you were born (and I must admit, scared that they would keep you!). I worried about germs, weight gain, developmental milestones. I fretted and stewed about the upcoming open heart surgery that hung over our future. I spent many nights, lying awake, wondering what life would be like for you and how it would change for the rest of us. What would you be able to do? How would DS affect you? How would it affect the boys? Would you be accepted by the rest of our family and friends? Would it all be ok? The unknown hurdles we faced during these moments of doubt seemed insurmountable. 

Oh, Liddy. You don't know how much I wish that the woman I was then knew what the mommy I am now does.  Even though I feel like I have drank you in, I will always wonder what I have missed while I was consumed with all of those horrible, needless fears. If only I had had the faith that I have now back then. 

That shaky faith was in its infant stages when I got the phone call that told us you had DS. It almost crumbled. I was so angry. So hurt. So confused. And completely clueless. I wasn't able to recognize, through the smoky haze of my pain, that that phone call wasn't the end. It wasn't the most horrible thing that could ever happen. 

It was the beginning of the most beautiful thing that had ever happened in my life.

I have had the distinct pleasure of watching you defeat the odds. I have seen you at your very worst fight your way back to become stronger and better than ever. I have watched with my own eyes as you melt the hardest heart and turn prejudices into piles of ash. I have been your faithful student, soaking up all of the lessons you dole out, almost daily, about love, strength, faith and grace. I have learned (often the hard way) to put my trust in God. Simply because you exist. Simply because I look at one of His miracles every single day. Simply because He has seen us through thus far. 

So no more worries for this mama. I lean on a power much stronger and capable than I am. I put my trust in Him, who has never let me down, and leave the worrying to He who already knows the plans He has for us.

So 8 months later, here I am, saying that all that previous worry was for nothing. You have brought us more in the last few months than I could have ever imagined just starting out. I have big hopes and dreams for you, and want more than anything for you to have big hopes and dreams for yourself. We're going to make them all come true, baby. You better believe it. :)

My Wish~Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big 

Keep dreaming, sweetheart. I know I, for one, will be right beside you, dreaming too! 

Happy 8 month birthday, Bug!

All of my love (and lots of hugs and kisses too!),

Mommy

P.S. A friendly reminder that the Parents.com Photo of the Week contest is still ongoing until Sunday night @ midnight. You can vote every. single. day! This morning, Lydia was in 8th place out of 200+ entries. :) You can vote here. Thanks so much for your unwavering support!