She's baccckkkk!

Grandpa Bill and Grandma Diane, this is especially for you. I have no idea where she gets her zany humor from, do you? ;)

A Return to Normal (Whatever THAT Means!)

Dear Bug,

We are edging closer to your 7 month birthday....now only three days away.

 

It's a little strange to me that this time last year we didn't know you. We didn't know yet whether you were a Lydia or a Levi. We didn't have a clue about the often bumpy road we were facing. We hadn't heard the words 'congenital heart defect' or 'Down's Syndrome'. We had just told your brothers they were going to have a sibling and were basking in the sheer joy that comes from being granted a miracle. 

Looking back, I'm glad that we had those months of uncomplicated joy. But I also know that despite the hills and valleys of emotion that were still ahead (and may be still), you have brought me more joy than a baby with a mere 46 chromosomes ever could have. You are still a miracle. Now more dear to me than I could have ever imagined, even back then.

I find myself constantly telling people how very amazing you are. Maybe they get tired of hearing it all of the time, but I can't help myself. You constantly surpass my wildest dreams. Of course I am a proud mama. I have raised (almost) one truly awesome son and I have another chance to raise an immensely precious daughter now. The thing is...I'm not just endlessly gushing in the way that every parent does when I brag on you. You truly are a breathtaking creation. I just want to make sure every single person I know realizes it too!

Tonight I sit here, with three of the kids I love most safely ensconced in their dreams. My heart overflows with love for the precious beings that God has placed in my care. Caleb, with his crazy sense of humor (an awful lot like mine!), his crazy hair, his infectious laugh, and all of his hopes and dreams. Ayden, with his boundless energy, endless curiosity, bruises and scraped knees, strong will, and seemingly bottomless belly (haha). And of course, you, with your strength, determination, beauty, charm and sweet, sweet smiles. 

I am in awe. Each and every one of you is completely unique. Special. Amazing.

So much more than I ever knew to hope for. 

If I could turn back time and trade what we have now for those sunshiny days of ignorant bliss, would I? There echoes in my head a resounding NO. Even though we never knew it, our lives would never have been complete without you. Exactly as you are. Perfect.

Attitude and all.

You teach me faith every single day. You have taught me to pray. You have taught me love, and hope, and exactly how to thank God for His blessings, often in disguise.

I love you, Lydia Anne Ehle. And a whole bunch of other people do too. :)

XOXOXO,

Mommy

I

The Price of A New Heart

Dearest little Bug,

It occurs to me that, as always, the price of things can not always be counted in simply dollars and cents. While in real cash money you may be close to being a million dollar baby, in many ways the actual cost was much higher. And I find that it's important to me to lay those costs out so that my head can fully wrap around them and appreciate each one.

So here goes.....

7 hours in surgery

24 hours on a ventilator

One four inch scar right in the center of a tiny chest

One two inch scar to the right of your belly button

One broken sternum

One rebuilt heart

One case of pulminary hypertension

One collapsed lung

13 chest xrays

2 chest tubes

2 lines directly to your heart

Countless IV's
9 days of morning blood draws where nurses stuck everything they could find, including the vein in your forehead
1 jugular IV
1 arterial line

4 days of being unable to hold you

13 days in the ICU, watching and waiting

One external pacemaker

One internal pacemaker

Hoards of doctors and nurses

4 more hours of surgery

4 days in the Heart Center

Hundreds of tears

Thousands of prayers

When put into a list like this, it seems a high price to be paid, especially for you. But when faced with not having you here with us, it's a drop in the bucket.

To watch you go from this:

to this:

well worth any price. 

All the hours spent praying for the return of my sweet baby, of that light up my world smile, that sassy personality, that gorgeous inner light. And here we are. 

By His grace....

 By His Mercy.....

The recipients of an amazing gift. :)

I'm pretty sure that you are going to be VERY spoiled (as if you weren't already!) but I think that just means you are also VERY well loved. 

You are such a fighter.

Yet soft and cuddly in all the right places.....

I am so thankful for Riley Hospital, for Dr. Rodefeld, whose hands pieced your broken heart back together again and who took it personally that you had to get a pacemaker, for Dr. Radda and Dr. Tosi, who put up with your mama's neurotic episodes and took such good care of you in the ICU, for Dr. Schamberger, who we will be hopefully seeing a lot of in the future and who never failed to stop, say hi, smile and lend an encouraging word, for Leesa, the ICU nurse who had a child with Down's Syndrome herself and who never once made me feel as if my concerns were needless or anything I asked a hassle, for every nurse who stopped to visit and ooh and ah over you, for our special friends from IU's Special Care nursery who stopped to visit and support us, for Grandma, Grandpa, GG Garnet, GG Bill, Aunt Cheryl and Kylie, who were there to love, support, and bring snacks (chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate!), as well as every single friend, acquaintance, and even stranger who prayed for us, supported us, and showered us all with love and concern. 

I don't know how we would have made it through this without every single one of these people. I have more gratitude in my heart than I could ever express eloquently in words.

For now, I am so thankful to be home. To have this behind us. To watch you smiling, laughing, and playing. To receive precious Liddy cuddles whenever I want them. To breathe in the fresh baby smell without the stench of sickness and hospitals. To bask in the sunshine that comes to anyone in your presence. 

We are SO blessed. 

I love you so much. And you are beyond worth any price that I will ever be asked to pay. :)

XOXOXO,

Mommy