“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.”
~A.A. Milne, from "Winnie the Pooh"

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Welcome to the World, Levi...and Heart Aches.....

A whirlwind weekend brought us soaring highs and crashing lows.
A beautiful baby boy who arrived just an hour and a half past Father's Day.

 6 hours of living the blessed life before the first crash to Earth...as our tiny 6 lb wonder was rushed to the NICU with O2 sats settled in the 70's.

An entire day spent by mama, on pins and needles, stuck in bed and unable to go to where her heart lay, right down the hall.
Lots and lots of tears. Empty arms. Helpless. Not a happy feeling. But, he was holding his own and we had every hope that his breathing difficulties were due to medication not due to something more dire.....
Until Tuesday.

 It became clear on Tuesday that our issues stemmed, not from medication, but from tiny lungs that were forced to breathe before they were fully developed and ready.
And yesterday, I got the third crash to Earth moment when the neonatologist woke me to tell me that they were placing the vent, that his tiny little lungs simply couldn't keep up any more on their own.......

Heart broken. Now unable to even feel his warm body snuggled into mine. Forced to re-live the moments of agony we faced when leaving Liddy in the NICU and going home, amplified by the fact that instead of leaving a relatively healthy baby girl, we were now leaving a very sick little boy.
I woke up this morning in my own bed, with a heavy heart and alarmingly empty arms.But when I stumbled out of bed and called the NICU to check on how our Peanut's night had gone, I was greeted with awesome news......
The vent has now been turned down from O2 levels of 30 to levels of 22. The vent is no longer breathing FOR him, but is only providing support so that he is learning to breathe on his own. His blood gases look amazing compared to those of just yesterday. He's no longer sedated. And when Caleb and I went to visit this morning, as soon as he heard my voice, I was greeting by this....

bright eyes staring back at me. Oh my heart. Praying very very hard that this upward trend continues and that we'll be bringing our Peanut home very very soon......


  1. Oh Heidi! My heart breaks for you and your family. Levi looks so beautiful--so much hair! I will keep him in my prayers and hope to hear good news from you very soon.

  2. Sorry for the rough start, but I'm glad he is improving. I'm sure he'll be in your arms and go e soon : ) Congratukations!

  3. So glad he is doing better! Hope he can come home soon. Love ya Mama!

  4. Sweet Levi, welcome to the world! Heidi, you are pretty special for such strong little souls to be sent to you. Hang in there - we're praying with you!

  5. Praying Levi can go home soon.

  6. I'm praying for both you and your little Peanut! I hope you can take him home soon. He is so handsome!


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