17 years......

Dearest Amanda,

In just a few short hours, you will turn 17. 

You came into this world in the wee hours of the morning...1:37 am....with barely a whisper. You had my heart from the moment I laid eyes on you. 

If I close my eyes, I can almost still feel the weight of you in my arms and smell the sweet aroma of the top of your precious head. I can so easily be transported back to nights sleeping with you cuddled by my side because I knew that our days together were numbered and I wanted as many memories as I could gather to carry me through the many days that lie ahead, days when I would have to walk without you beside me.

Those early days seem so long ago...days when I thought that this day would never come. Days when it seemed that 18 years was an eternity. And now...now, you are the same age as I was when you were born. One year remaining before I may have the chance to truly know YOU, instead of the baby in my memories.

I do not doubt for a second that I did what was best for you all those years ago. I know, unequivocally, that you have a good life, full of everything I could have ever wished for you and a whole lot of things that even my immature mind couldn't have ever imagined. Your life, as seen through pictures, is full...full of love, full of family, full of joy.

I have watched you grow...changing from a tiny baby....

to a beautiful young lady.....

You are more breathtaking with every passing year. 

When I started this journey, I could have never saw myself as the person I am today. YOU are a big part of why I am who I am now. YOU get the credit for motivating me to become a better person, to chase my dreams, to become someone that hopefully someday you'll be proud of.

I know I will never be your mom. I didn't earn it. But I hope that I can always be your friend....... 

Happy birthday, beautiful girl.

I love you. Now and always.