I sincerely thought that Amanda and Caleb would be my only kids. One I raised myself and one who was raised by another set of parents. I never really considered having more...until I met John.
John always wanted at least one more baby. In fact, in our pre-marriage discussions about it, I broke down more than once and told him to find someone else because due to my "female problems" I was never going to be able to give him one. We got married after a whole lot of assurance on his part that he loved me and wanted to marry me...not the possibility of more kids (what a man by the way!).
When I found out I was pregnant with Liddy, I felt as if I had been kissed by the angels themselves. Long have I called her my miracle baby and I sincerely thought she was the last......
Surprise!
Seems that life ultimately had other plans.
These littles. Oh my. They have taken us on quite the roller coaster ride already. 2 unexpected babies within three years. 2 NICU stays. But I have to say that I couldn't ask for two more perfect babies....and I couldn't imagine that I could love either a single smidgeon more than I have since I have first gazed on their faces.....
Another NICU stay was my worst fear. I fully admit it. I whined. I complained. I talked about kicking Levi out early. But in reality, I would have rather he stayed in, making me miserable, for at least a couple more weeks. I would have rather not have been forced to give birth because the options for me were horrible. I would have rather he came when HE chose to, not when we forced him. And I could have gladly lived the rest of my life without ever seeing another of my babies, especially one so tiny and defenseless, breathing through a ventilator.
Talk about putting your priorities in order FAST. Was I sad that another open ended NICU stay was in our future? Yes. I don't think that any mother wouldn't be sad to be leaving the hospital without her baby tucked safely in the car beside her. But the alternative...unthinkable.
Even after a relatively short time being Liddy's mama and a blip in time being Levi's, I simply can't imagine life without either of them......
These itty bitty kids complete our family in ways I never imagined. I thought we were complete after Liddy....little did I know how much we were missing a Levi as well.
I'm proud to say that tiny Peanut is every bit as much of a fighter as his sister. He's off the vent...and just one week after it was placed, he's breathing completely on his own, without even a whiff of oxygen. He started eating bottles yesterday, and does it like he's been a bottle muncher all along. He's gaining weight. And even though going home hasn't been brought into the discussion with the neonates yet, I'm hopeful that he'll be here with us where he truly belongs very, very soon.
I don't know quite yet how Liddy is going to take that....but I'm 100% positive that one of these days, these two are going to be best buddies and John and I are in big trouble. ;)
So thankful for all of your kind words and many prayers. They're obviously working.
